Parent Teachers and Disabilities

This week has been early out for Josh and Matthew to accommodate parent teacher conferences. They have been a little restless, but only two more days plus the weekend and things will be back to normal. We got to meet with Josh's teachers Tuesday afternoon. I didn't ask anyone to watch the kids because I thought Aaron and I could handle it. I was a little on the WRONG side with that assumption. I ended up meeting with the teachers while Aaron chased Sarah all around. He got to listen to bits and pieces of the conversations, but Sarah was not very cooperative. It sounds like Josh had a hard time adjusting to all day school in the beginning of the year, but now he is doing great. He is very attentive and a "very smart boy" to quote his teachers. I am one proud Momma! As we were walking out to the car, we noticed Sarah was tightly holding in her hand a handful of tokens and had some decorations she ripped off the wall. She is a pretty headstrong little girl that refused to be held or put in the stroller! At least she was able to keep herself entertained I guess. Maybe next time I will see about getting someone to watch them instead.

Wednesday we got to meet with Matthew's teacher. Now I was dreading this meeting for a few reasons. One is Matthew on a good day has at least 1 hour of homework a day, but on most days it ends up turning into about 90 minutes to two hours. Now this wouldn't be that bad if he could do it without someone sitting right next to him helping him almost the whole time, but that doesn't happen. After one particularly difficult day of homework where it took us two hours to complete just one assignment (I don't believe in doing the child's work for them) and he still had two more to do that we didn't get to, I finally emailed the teacher and said I couldn't do this much homework a night anymore. Between different kids' interruptions, trying to clean up the house, trying to help Josh with his homework, and trying to fix dinner it was getting to be too much. She emailed me back the next day and basically told me her and Matthew were able to complete all of his homework in class in about 30 minutes. WHAT?!? I was wondering if we were talking about the same child. Well since I didn't get much support from the teacher and the homework just kept coming, I tried to help Matthew complete as much as he could and the rest just didn't get finished. After a few days of this the teacher sent me a nasty note saying that ALL his homework needs to be done EVERY night. I have to say I am really not a slacker Mom and I think homework is important, but when it comes to the point that it sucks up all of Matthew's time where he does not even get a chance to do anything fun because there is no free time I do have a problem with that. That is a little background of why I was dreading this parent teacher meeting. I did make Aaron come with me because I had him help Matthew with his homework a few times and he absolutely agreed with me. One of my friends offered to watch Josh and Daniel for me (thanks April) which helped a ton so we only had to take Matthew and Sarah. We sat down and talked with his teacher and finally came to the agreement that if Matthew didn't finish his all his homework in 30-45 minutes every night he would have to stay in for morning recess to finish the rest at school the next day. I am hoping this will give Matthew the incentive to stay on task and complete his homework at home. I am keeping my fingers crossed. If this works I don't know what I will do with all my free time :). The rest of his parent teacher conference was discussing Matthew's progress. Matthew has done really well up until the end of last year when he started falling behind his grade level. We knew this is something that would very likely happen, but it is still hard to hear. The differences with Matthew and his peers in social skills and integrating with people is widening as well and it becomes very apparent at any social gathering like church, scouts, school, family gatherings, etc. However, there is nothing we can do about it--it's all part of his "disability" as the teacher calls it. Matthew has been diagnosed with autism for 6 years now, but to hear it referred to as a disability is still really hard for me to hear. I don't think of him as disabled, but from a school standpoint that's what they consider autism. I just consider him as a quirky and smart 8 year old little boy that just needs a little extra help. Anyway, he is still doing great on what he is doing for now, but time will tell what will happen in the future. As for now I am trying to concentrate on the positives and help where I can (except for two hours of homework a night!!). We do try our best, but time will tell with Matthew. The future is so uncertain for Matthew and us--we don't know how much help he'll need as an adult or if he will be able to ever be independent of us. These are some pretty weighty matters we always have in the back of our minds. Aaron has to keep reminding me to live in the present and not worry about the future since I can't do anything about it now. I am trying to take this advice to heart...trying, anyway, since I have cried off and on for about two days about it now. Daniel keeps asking me, "Why do you look like that Mom?" since my face turns red and splotchy when I cry. There's nothing that a good cry can't solve, right?!?