A Transformer Died, Eating Daniel UN-friendly, Parent Teacher Conferences

To start out I had to add this comic because I thought it was really funny because it seems to painfully apply to us. Cash.....what's that?!Anyway, Daniel had a birthday party on Wednesday night between 4-6pm at Chuck E. Cheeses. We were pretty excited because that meant we were going to be able to eat at the most Daniel unfriendly restaurant in the world without fearing for Daniel's life. We went to Texas Roadhouse while Daniel was otherwise occupied. It also helped that we had two free child entree coupons that Josh and Matthew had gotten from school that we needed to use. We went and enjoyed our nut and dairy filled dinner and didn't feel too guilty because Daniel was having fun somewhere else. However, while we were there I did realize we need to teach our kids about how to have manners at a restaurant. Josh tried buttering his roll with his steak knife. I nervously watched him because it looked like with one fatal move he would have stabbed himself or cut off his fingers. Anyway, Sarah hadn't seen cloth napkins before and thought they were the table cloth. She insisted that her napkin needed to be spread out across the table the whole dinner and would get mad if you tried to move it. Good thing they had complimentary rolls because between Sarah, Matthew and Josh they seriously ate about 5 rolls apiece. Our server really earned his tip that night!! For Veteran's Day Aaron had the day off. It kind of threw me for a loop because it was a random Thursday instead of the usual Friday or Monday. That made the day seem like it was Saturday only the kids had school. Daniel had preschool that afternoon and the older kids were in school so Aaron and I along with Sarah and Noah went out for some ice cream during the older kid free time. Sarah loved it as you can see by her filthy shirt and ice creamy face. We have to live it up while we can--well at least while Daniel is having fun somewhere else. The other day while I was running errands, I stopped by home to pick something up. I was only going to be a minute so I left the kids in the car while I ran inside the house. I didn't realize I had left the radio on the talk/news station while I ran inside. When I came back outside I found a very somber Daniel. I asked what was wrong and he told me (in his very serious Daniel face) a Transformer had died. I asked him where he'd heard that. He pointed to the radio and said he heard it there while I was inside the house. I put 2 and 2 together and figured out he thought it was the action figure Transformer that had died. However, it was only an electrical transformer that had died, but Daniel didn't know what that was. I tried not to laugh, but it was funny.

As for parent teacher conferences things went as I had expected them to go. Josh is doing fabulous. He is a model student except he doesn't like to listen to directions before starting his assignments. That means that occasionally he will get frustrated when he can't figure out what to do because he didn't listen the first time. He is also a lefty, but doesn't always know to look for the lefty scissors so sometimes he has a hard time with that. Other than that he loves school and his teachers love him, so all is good.

Matthew on the other hand is.....well.....Matthew. His teacher is the same one as last year and let's just say she is not my favorite. She doesn't have as much patience with him as I would like, but she gets the job done more or less. However, as Matthew gets older the gap between him and his typical peers in their academics is getting larger and larger. In 4th grade they make the big change from learning to read to reading to learn and Matthew's reading understanding and comprehension has not always been his strong point. Now it is starting to slow him down and that is really hard to see the disparity between him and the other kids. Until he can get that comprehension down he will continue to fall more and more behind his typical peers. He is also struggling with the social aspect of school as well. Matthew has his idiosyncrasies he has to do like flapping his hands, asking silly questions, and his VERY rigid routines, which, unfortunately, makes him stand out. This consequently has led to some of his typical peers making fun of him at school. His teacher has talked to the kids twice, but she can't always be with Matthew to make sure it doesn't happen. Thankfully, Matthew is blissfully unaware of this for now, but who knows how long that will last. I know I need to look at Matthew for who he is and not what he can't do, but parent teachers isn't the best thing for that because it painfully shows me how different he really is. Even though we have known about Matthew's autism for about 8 years now it doesn't make things easier. I had a social worker tell me it is ok to mourn the loss of that typical child, but don't dwell too long on it. So for the last few days I have been having a pity party for myself, but I am pulling myself together and getting ready to put on my happy face--until the next parent teacher conferences.

When I was in school (way back when) we learned about the Kubler-Ross 5 stages of grief. We also learned that you can regress and go back to any step at any time and Aaron and I have our moments when we do this. Here's the 5 steps that we like to cycle through:

1. Denial and isolation

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

Most the time we are at acceptance, but on the hard days we seem to cycle through the other steps. I just want what is best for Matthew and for him to be happy, but it has been a hard road to hoe to say the least. It is hard not to ask, "Why me?", but that doesn't make it any easier. I take comfort in knowing that Heavenly Father is in charge and this is what he has planned for us. He must think we can do this even though I question our ability at times. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?! Since I am not dead, I keep wondering when am I going to get those bulging muscles from being stronger?? :)